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By Lucretia D. Radcliffe When I arrived at the sanctuary of the High Priestess to conduct this exclusive interview, I was conducted to a dark little room lit with flickering scented candles, Jimmy Buffett music playing softly in the background (the "Boats" CD from the boxed set). First a group of acolytes came in, strewing pink rose petals on and about the Queen Anne recliner, prominently placed for the best view of the big-screen TV, where the High Priestess was to sit. At last the High Priestess herself entered, moving grandly toward the chair with a sweep of her sky-blue robes. She sat down gracefully, adjusted the Crown of Isis that perched atop her auburn curls, and propped her feet upon a crescent-shaped stand. I stared at her, nearly overset by the power of her presence (not to mention the Damask Rose scent with which she had generously anointed herself). She inclined her head to me and indicated with a gracious yet commanding sweep of the hand that I was to begin.
THP: You are quite welcome, Lucretia. LDR: I know that most of my readers are wondering how you came to be declared High Priestess. THP: Like all the most visionary autocrats, I declared myself High Priestess. No messy palace coups required. If you build it, they will come. LDR: Where did the title "High Priestess" come from? THP: I had a vision in which I was seated in a throne between two pillars, holding a notebook computer emblazoned with the name "Tora." There was a veil hanging behind me, adorned with pomegranates, the symbol of Persephone; the veil hid the vast sea, the sea of wisdom and freedom that remains hidden from most mortals. I knew then that my destiny was to create a place of peace and plenty in the vast emptiness of the World Wide Web where Janeites and their friends could gather and revel in the free knowledge of the mysteries of Jane that I would reveal to them. LDR: No, really? THP: Of course not. Haven't you read Northanger Abbey, for crying out loud? I was just doing a Henry on you. Actually, I have this really cool book called The Secret Language of Birthdays that has astrological information for each day of the year, including a tarot card for each day. Mine was the High Priestess, which amused me hugely, and when I started surfing the internet a short time later, I took it for my net handle. Fortunately most of my visitors are willing to humour me. LDR: You are closely acquainted with Henry Tilney. THP: I am fortunate to have discovered his Da Manness, though the Evil Ones have tried to hide it from the world. (The acolytes hiss.) LDR: Well, what my readers want to know is...what is he really like? THP: Ah, Mr. Tilney...to say that he is brilliant, handsome and witty does not begin to encompass the whole of his Da Manness. To say that he is perfect only creates a conundrum; that he is perfect in his imperfection. He is Henry. He is Da Man. (The acolytes burst into joyful song. I bow my head reverently for a moment.) LDR: In the past, you have asked a lot of nosy questions of your visitors in the Guestbook. THP: I am the High Priestess. That is my right. LDR: Would you be willing to answer those questions for your readers? THP: Certainly. LDR: Your condescension eclipses that of even Lady Catherine De Bourgh, O Great and High Priestessness. THP: Are you sure your name isn't Collins? LDR: Yes. THP: Hmmm. Very well. Go on. LDR: Which is your favourite Jane Austen novel? THP: Persuasion. (The acolytes gasp in horror.) LDR: Really? THP: Yes, really. Why are you so surprised? LDR: Well, everyone assumes that your favourite Jane Austen novel is Northanger Abbey. THP: Naturally I am very fond of Northanger Abbey. It ties with Pride and Prejudice for a very, very close second place. (The acolytes nod and murmur, much relieved.) But I still love Persuasion the best. It's very different from any of Jane's other novels, and the most romantic, and at heart the High Priestess is just an old softie. LDR: I see. What is your favourite film adaptation of a Jane Austen novel? THP: P2, of course. LDR: Really? Many Janeites are put off because it is not completely faithful to the novel. THP: No, but it comes darn close. And it's beautifully made, just romantic and heart-warming and mushy. And it makes me want to drink lots and lots of tea. Tea is very good for you, you know. Lots of anti-oxidants. LDR: Er, yes. Who is your favourite Jane Austen heroine? THP: Lizzy Bennet, Warrior Princess. Girlfriend kicks ass. LDR: Er, yes, of course, if you say so, your Priestessness. Who is your favourite Jane Austen hero? THP: Well, duh. LDR: Henry Tilney. THP: Who else? Henry is everything a woman could ever want in a man...he is tall, nearly handsome, intelligent, funny, and wise. He rides horses, reads novels, likes big drooly dogs, and strews his litter of books, guns, and greatcoats around his rooms. I have dedicated my life to him. He is Da Man. (The acolytes once again burst into joyful song, and I bow my head once again, only mildly irritated.) LDR: Who is your favourite Jane Austen villain? THP: The Weasely One, William Walter Elliot. (The acolytes hiss.) LDR: But you serve the High Priestess of the Cult of Sam West. Is that not somewhat oxymoronic? THP: Yes, my sister HFP guides her acolytes in the Cult of Sam expertly and well. In all things Sam, I must give way before her superior Priestessness. But in all things Jane, I keep my own counsel. I caution my acolytes not to confuse the man with the part. (The acolytes, as one, strike their breasts with their fists and bow their heads.) Sam West is the mortal being with the highest existing degree of Da Manness, so we must needs adore him for himself, but we despise Willie the Weasel. (The acolytes hiss once again.) LDR: If you were a twee, what kind of twee would you be? THP: Stop that. LDR: Ha-ha, just joking. What is the one thing you want visitors to your site to take away? THP: That they had fun, had a laugh, enjoyed themselves, and perhaps learned something. Life's too short to take it all so darned seriously. And Jane would not have wanted us to do so. LDR: Thank you, your Priestessness, on behalf of your most humble servant and on behalf of my readers. THP: The High Priestess Has Spoken. She rises majestically and sweeps from the room, the acolytes strewing rose petals in her path; she pauses only to pick up the remote control and switch the CD to "Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays." As she passes me, I am overwhelmed; I feel compelled to kneel, then to touch my forehead to the floor. Such is her presence. All Hail the High Priestess!
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LDR: Your Priestessness, first I would like to thank you for permitting a humble reporter into your sanctum sanctorum to conduct this interview.