Ode to Henry
By Acolyte Helen
Henry Tilney is his name.
Wit and charm, they are his claim.
No other man is quite the same!
Not just any word will suffice.
Especially avoid using "nice".
For teasing is his major vice!
Henry is a man of cloth.
Some do claim he is a sloth.
But his muslins house no moth!
He can critique a romance torrid.
Or analyze a gothic horrid.
Without complexion becoming florid!
Henry took the ladies for a walk.
Upon many subjects did they talk.
Nary a topic made Henry balk!
Weaves a charming gothic parody.
Dances well to any melody.
From his spell there is no remedy!
Henry is a member of the gentry.
Over Catherine's heart does he play sentry.
Ready to help with a journal entry!
Dark hair, lively eyes, smile that will not quit.
Pleasing countenance, as a fiddle fit.
If not quite handsome, is very near it!
Henry never says a word unjust.
Unkind words would only collect dust.
On his honour, you can always trust!
Enjoys unintelligible speech.
Of odd ways he will happily teach.
Interesting sermons does he preach!
Henry enjoys reading Radcliffe's novels.
Too much self-respect to ever grovel.
Woodston Lodge is certainly no hovel!
Through your belongings he will not rifle.
No genuine enthusiasm will he stifle.
With a lady's heart he does not trifle!
Henry Tilney is rather tall.
So he stands out at a ball.
Or when mingling in the hall!
When it comes to writing a letter.
There is scarcely anyone better.
Ask dear Catherine, have you met her?
Henry understands romance.
But he takes a steadfast stance.
When it comes to marriage and dance!
He does not mind puppy drool.
Even when it forms a pool.
Is that not extremely cool!
Henry has greatcoats and guns.
Litter of books, weighs a ton.
Dogs and puppy; loads of fun!
Gentle giving a reprimand.
Emotions under his command.
Situation is well in hand!
Henry has discerning taste for composition.
Sharp mind prepared for any inquisition.
Sincerely addresses his proposition!
The General's party did Henry greet.
And so Woodston Lodge was made very neat.
But on the table there was no cold meat!
Henry is a wonderful brother.
Eleanor could not want another.
He helps people understand each other!
You can tell he is a great reader.
Explains why he is a good teacher.
Perfect 10 on the HunkOMeter!
Henry carries on a clandestine correspondence.
Due in part to unjust parenteral interference.
Rewarded for his filial disobedience!
As a gentleman-coachman he is quite swell.
Word is he drives so quietly and so well.
Certainly a great happiness, we can tell!
There exists a cult of 'Da Man'.
Has many a devoted fan.
For him alone, we think and plan!
There are others named Henry.
But there is only one Henry.
And... Oh! What a Henry!!
Copyright © 1999, 2000 by the author. All Rights Reserved.
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